August 29th will make it one year since i visited Medical Research Foundation in Port of Spain.
The Medical Research Centre was established in October 1993 after nine years of scientific research collaboration with the National Cancer Institute, National Institutes of Health, Bethesda, Maryland, USA and the Caribbean Epidemiology Centre (CAREC). The Centre was formally opened by Professor Max Richards, Principal of UWI, St. Augustine, Campus. Following this, the Medical Research Foundation of Trinidad and Tobago was established in Port of Spain, Trinidad, West Indies on March 1, 1997 as a non-profit organization and represents a formal collaboration between the UWI, CAREC and local physicians.
The Foundation operates within the offices of the Medical Research Centre, 7 Queens Park East, Port of Spain, Trinidad, West Indies, under the Directorship of Professor Courtenay Bartholomew. The Patron of the Foundation is Sir Ellis Clarke (former President of Trinidad and Tobago). The Management Committee is headed by Professor Bartholomew.
The building looks like a old colonial style building, grand ceiling work. The view from the front porch over looks the Savannah.... My visit on Tuesday of this week was one of my most interesting one yet. Highlights include me having a conversation with a fellow HIV person, me laughing at some of the scenarios, checking out the Army men that brought some positive prisoners in.....
I missed my appointment by an hour, however i was not worried. Mrs. Veda Cowee made a friend of me the first time i visited the clinic. So, i was sure that she would pull me in away from the pack and so i would get through with this ordeal quickly, however this was not so. It has been so long since i last kept my appointment that she forgot me and i was forced to wait like everyone else. Have you ever seen those films where the plot surrounds insanity, and a shot is shown in a mental asylum or something. This was the scene at my visit.... this is how it usually is....i never noticed before.
On entering the clinic you are greeted with mostly black men and women, with sad faces melting downwards like what i imagine the wax models in Madame Tussauds would look like if it caught fire. They are parched on the railings of the entrance of the clinic. They don't say hello. You walk in and greet the pregnant women, sad , depressed, teary faces to the right and a host of others to the left watching CNC 3 that is being shown. I would go up to the counter and let them know my name , a frail , timid voice comes out from me. David ( the guy who takes your name) who always has a smile on his face will then ask you to have a seat., But, id stand right there, away from from blocking the entrance , hold my bag, try to hide my staff ID. and look into space, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. I don't want to feel i am apart of that crowd. But i am.
Standing into three minutes, guy with a tight jeans and top walks in, his hair is well groomed and pulled to the back to make a pony tail thingy. " HAHA.... he take too much prick"......a woman from the outside laughs out. I smile.....
I am getting restless now.... don't want to sit... don't want to stand where i am standing....i walk outside, get a cigarette and light it up. i am well dressed, dressed to go to work after....the same woman asked me: "sir, you is one of de doctors of wah?"..... i just nod in signaling that i am not... i go back inside, a hot red man walks in , but he has handcuffs on...he is a prisoner... i make eye contact and smile....killing time really....Silence pervades the building....suddenly another burst: "David! , David.. i have the lord to see about today you know, i here long now, fucking Jesus waiting for me in the church !!!!!".....
After 3 more cigarettes, and an hour later tow little boys comes in with their mother. Cute; 3 and 4 years maybe, cutest, happiest looking kids....one of them came and tugged at my bag....i couldn't hold it back... i couldn't stop crying... I thought , here i was thinking im so unlucky with all of this and these two kids were positive and unaware.. So breaking my silence, i summed up the courage to make words with my mouth , i asked their mother" Mame...are the kids....."?....
"No, no, they are not, the children don't have it, the children father don't have it" She smiled at me, we both acknowledged that it was she who was positive. i was relieved, but it was sad.....she looked so hopeless.
Finally my number was called. I proceeded into the nurses booth, rolled up my sleeve in anticipation. I lay back on the chair while she pushed a needle into my hands....eight vials of blood after, i find myself sitting there reminiscing about the last time i was there giving blood. ......
I am really one of them, i am HIV positive. i am sad and depressed looking like them. i am hopeless. I am a slut, i fucked around and got HIV like them..............i feel this way anyways.....i am no different.......
Next appointment to get me results of my blood test - September 1st, 2009.
