My reality

An excerpt of a letter to me...

Here is my key for the house. Well I don't know what to say actually. I wish this was not the way we ended things.You have been a part of my life for many years . It would always be difficult leaving. I am sorry if i was not there for you, especially after finding out . I don't know how. I think talking about it would only mean having to deal with it. I am not sure how i am supposed to act.

Im here again....

A few days ago i was ready to come to this blog and delete it all. I started to hate it. I felt i reached the bottom, that i had to come here and talk, to express myself. It felt horrible to know that there was no one around me, no one i could trust, to talk about this.

I stayed away from the blog for some time now. I deleted several of my older posts. This blog reminds me that I'm positive. That my life has limitations. That its dark and dirty. That I'm different.... and i am. That there is uncertainty. I stayed away from the blog, because i wanted to be normal again. I wanted to forget that i was positive.Maybe if i forget it, it disappears. I am weak. I shy away from the virus. I run and hide from it. ......

But then i came back for a visit to my blog and i noticed that i have 14 followers and not the 10 i left with. .... there are people out there that wanna hear my shit. ......that's encouraging. Glad to have you all here. reading my stuff. But be warned. One of the major characteristics of my Zodiac sign is that i need to get away ever so often. To be alone with me. To rejuvenate. to reassess.......

Health Journal; Post number 1

Today i begin my first post about my health. I would post as often as possible, daily perhaps about the condition about my health.

Last year i got results that i was HIV +. I then joined the Medical Research Foundation around the Queen's Park in Port of Spain. Good looking Dr. Boyce became my doctor. Empathetic fella.

After admitting me into the clinic i found out the following:

• I have in fact HIV


• My CD4 stands between 500-625 , which is as normal as a HIV - person...so they said to me.


• i tested positive for Toxoplasmosis: an OI caused by the Toxoplasma gondii protozoan, most commonly found in cat feces and undercooked meat. Early signs of toxoplasmosis include fever, confusion, headache, tremor, disorientation, personality changes, and seizure


• I have a High level of cholesterol which i need to lower.


• And last December i was suspected of having Diabetes.......runs in my family its possible...at age 25.....hrmmm..

They told me that i am healthy and wont be needing any medication for a while, if my state remains...

i was asked to lower my weight and calorie intake etc.

and to stop smoking....

Today April 21 2009. i have been taking glucophage tablets for a some weeks now... been working sometimes.... sometimes i feel nauseous, sleepy, tired.....depressed. started smoking even more since... Dunhill Red!... Feel like i don't have friends. I'm so horny...i just need sex....darn....i look as normal and healthy as the next guy...

Feeling hatred....

Hate or hatred is an emotion of intense revulsion, distaste, enmity, or antipathy for a person, thing, or phenomenon; a desire to avoid restricts, remove, or destroy its object. It is an obsessive dislike accompanied by restraint and character. The emotion of hate is a feeling of dislike so strong that it demands action. It also means to dislike intensely; feel antipathy or aversion towards something.

Welcome to my Blog

I am 24 years of age. I was diagnosed with HIV almost a year ago. ...... this is my blog........stay tuned.